A free mind

Pleasure does not rest on the gesture alone. The same caress, on the same spot and with the same rhythm, can yield a great deal or almost nothing, depending on where attention sits when the caress arrives. Arousal rises when you feel it. If the mind is busy elsewhere, the body follows less well. The most common obstacle has a name: “spectatoring”. Instead of staying inside the sensations, you watch yourself from the outside and you assess what is happening: is this rising fast enough, how do I look, what does the other person think. That outside look almost always arrives together with performance anxiety, and the two keep each other going.